whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
