sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i think my cat just said my name.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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