I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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