Plan B is the new Plan A
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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