One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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