Me too!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
