my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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