I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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