Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
