So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
