to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
