If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
