They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
