he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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