um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
