You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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