Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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