i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
