Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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