I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
