The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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