you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
