Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
