Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
