i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
