Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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