Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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