You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
