i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
