Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
