I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
