update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
