Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
