My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
