Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
