well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
