Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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