i'm lost and i look like a hooker
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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