Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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