no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
