I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
