So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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