I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
