Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize