He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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