A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
