I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
