i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
