If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
