you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
