nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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